Setting boundaries isn’t “too much”. . .
A little reminder that protecting your peace is always okay....
C for Mental Health is a consociation of Nigerian students championing student mental health in Nigeria through meaningful discourse, advocacy and community engagement. Newsletters are by students for students!.
“This might not be the easiest thing to share, but maybe that’s exactly why I need to”.
To some, this might feel little or unnecessary, but I believe the big things often start from the little things. Disrespect often starts small, like a friend brushing off your feelings, or laughing when you say “I didn’t like that.”
Let me give you a scenario;
A few days ago, I posted a picture of myself. It was one of those rare pictures that make me fall in love with myself all over again.
Not even two minutes after sharing it on my status, a guy screenshotted it and posted it to his own status without asking.
Mind you, we weren’t close, he didn’t ask for permission. And even if he had, I would never have sent it in the first place.
So I just sat there, I had that weird, heavy feeling in my chest. You know that moment when something happens and your whole body kind of shuts down for a second? That was me. I wanted to say something, but I was also afraid of coming off as “extra,” or “too much,” or like I take things too personal. Still, I told him I wasn’t okay with it, and I definitely didn’t want it reposted.
Guess what he did? He responded with these laughing emojis:
Like it was funny, like I was being “too serious.”
Then later, he sent this long message about how I “need to start talking to guys more” and basically made me feel like I was the problem.
So guess what I did? I didn’t only ignore his texts, I also I blocked him from seeing my status.
Not out of pettiness, not out of anger. But out of protection, and out of peace.
That experience remained with me, not just because of what he did, but because of how much I had to fight myself to not feel guilty for reacting.
So, why am I sharing this?
Because I know I’m not the only one who’s felt this way.
I’m not the only one who’s felt confused, violated, uncomfortable. But unsure if it's “big enough a deal” to say something.
But here’s one thing I want you to know:
If something makes you feel small, uneasy, disrespected… or like you feel yourself shrinking… then yes, it is big enough a deal.
You don’t need someone else to confirm that your boundary matters. It matters because you matter.
If you ever find yourself in a situation like mine, these are simple ways to protect your Mental Health:
Pay attention to that feeling in your chest. Because I’ve realized that discomfort is also information, don’t ignore it.
Speak up, even if your voice is trembling.
You don’t need to argue, you don’t need to raise your voice, you can simply say, “I’m not comfortable with that,” or “That was not okay with me.” That is still very much a win, the goal is to say something.
Use your tools: mute, block, restrict.
These are boundaries! Not everyone deserves access to your personal space, and you are always allowed to control the those in it. You are in control. Own your space!
Don’t overthink the aftermath. Someone being mad at you for setting a boundary doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Protecting your peace is never ever wrong, Ask for support.
If it ever feels too much or overwhelming, talk to someone. Seek support from your family, friends, a counselor… anybody, you're never alone in this.
I want you to remember that you’re not “doing too much” when you set boundaries, you are doing what it takes to survive, to breathe, to be okay.
“Protecting your peace doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you whole”.
And you don’t owe anyone your silence just to keep the peace, especially when it costs you your own.
Sending love and light (and a reminder that you are not too much)…
Zainab Oderinlo
I write real stuff about mental health and life. I talk about my struggles, my thoughts… all of it. I sincerely hope it helps you feel less alone.❤️